Toddlers are known for being good at many things.....exploring their world with total enthusiasm, learning language at an amazing rate, and showering the ones they love with unlimited affection and a huge smile (just to name a few).
But perhaps the most well known (an shall we say notorious) trait that defines our 2 foot little friends is the dreaded TANTRUM!
Since entering the field of early education 10+ years ago, I have seen my fair share of toddler tantrums. They have ranged from minor outbursts easily thwarted by distraction to major 'collapsing to the floor-kicking and screaming-I think I'm gonna get my way if I do this for long enough' full blown meltdowns.
As human beings who have ears, our first instinct is to make that screaming sound quieter as soon as possible....it may seem easy at the time to just give into our cranky little tot when they are persistently committed to screaming until the end of time just to decrease our own internal stress level. And you may find that this method works just dandy for a short time.
You will also find that your toddler will quickly become a master of the tantrum and begin to increase the frequency of this undesirable behavior.
What's that, you say? Well then what the heck are you supposed to do to train your Toddler in the ways of positive emotional interactions? I'm so glad you asked!
There are some basic principles that I can share with you to lead both you and your kiddo to successful interactions and decreased tantrum-like behaviors:
1. Choose a response, prevent a reaction- plan an effective response before a difficult behavior occurs. Be prepared.
2. You cannot force a child to behave- difficult children are immune to attempts to force them into compliant behavior, impervious to punishment, and keenly aware of the limitations of your power to MAKE them do what you want.
3. Behavior is a consequence of feelings and needs. Address the feelings and needs or the behavior will not change- for example you may say, ' I see that you are very mad and feel like screaming. You can choose to scream but it does not change the message that I just gave'. Give them options to remedy their situation and then just walk away for a moment until they choose to respond.
4. If the strategy you choose does not teach a skill, it will not be effective.
5. Tell them what you WANT them to do, not just the negative- a positive spin on a correction can go a long way.
6. They do not have to like it.
7. They do not have to like YOU.
8. If you want respect, be respectful- you must both teach and model the behavior wanted from your child. If you want them to treat you respectfully, treat them respectfully!
(info from GOOD KIDS, DIFFICULT BEHVIORS- Joyce Divinyi)
And most importantly, you must remain calm and consistent! A calm voice and manner coupled with an unwavering consistency will make your response to tantrums predictable for your child- and they will learn that their negative behavior has no benefit to them getting what they want.
Good luck in your tantrum taming adventures! You can do it!!!
But perhaps the most well known (an shall we say notorious) trait that defines our 2 foot little friends is the dreaded TANTRUM!
Since entering the field of early education 10+ years ago, I have seen my fair share of toddler tantrums. They have ranged from minor outbursts easily thwarted by distraction to major 'collapsing to the floor-kicking and screaming-I think I'm gonna get my way if I do this for long enough' full blown meltdowns.
As human beings who have ears, our first instinct is to make that screaming sound quieter as soon as possible....it may seem easy at the time to just give into our cranky little tot when they are persistently committed to screaming until the end of time just to decrease our own internal stress level. And you may find that this method works just dandy for a short time.
You will also find that your toddler will quickly become a master of the tantrum and begin to increase the frequency of this undesirable behavior.
What's that, you say? Well then what the heck are you supposed to do to train your Toddler in the ways of positive emotional interactions? I'm so glad you asked!
There are some basic principles that I can share with you to lead both you and your kiddo to successful interactions and decreased tantrum-like behaviors:
1. Choose a response, prevent a reaction- plan an effective response before a difficult behavior occurs. Be prepared.
2. You cannot force a child to behave- difficult children are immune to attempts to force them into compliant behavior, impervious to punishment, and keenly aware of the limitations of your power to MAKE them do what you want.
3. Behavior is a consequence of feelings and needs. Address the feelings and needs or the behavior will not change- for example you may say, ' I see that you are very mad and feel like screaming. You can choose to scream but it does not change the message that I just gave'. Give them options to remedy their situation and then just walk away for a moment until they choose to respond.
4. If the strategy you choose does not teach a skill, it will not be effective.
5. Tell them what you WANT them to do, not just the negative- a positive spin on a correction can go a long way.
6. They do not have to like it.
7. They do not have to like YOU.
8. If you want respect, be respectful- you must both teach and model the behavior wanted from your child. If you want them to treat you respectfully, treat them respectfully!
(info from GOOD KIDS, DIFFICULT BEHVIORS- Joyce Divinyi)
And most importantly, you must remain calm and consistent! A calm voice and manner coupled with an unwavering consistency will make your response to tantrums predictable for your child- and they will learn that their negative behavior has no benefit to them getting what they want.
Good luck in your tantrum taming adventures! You can do it!!!
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