Deep Thoughts: My 38th Year

Yesterday was my birthday. The big 3-8. In the spirit of all things celebratory, I feel like today would be a good day to do some inner reflection on what I hope to experience/accomplish in this next year of life...and so why not share it with you.

Also, I like lists...so:

1. I want to practice feeling and expressing true joy in my work. Now don't get me wrong, I love my job very much. With that said, it is a very emotionally and physically challenging task to mold young lives and coach parents through the trials that come. And they come.....every hour of every day that the kids are in my care. Sometimes I don't know how I can keep it all straight in my head. One child who persistently seeks my attention thru negative behavior, another who needs me to hold them because they are new but also wants to be put down only to cry to be picked up again (copy and repeat), a third who just wants to play with me but I have to finish with some documentation first so I try to do both, special dietary needs, individual plans for toilet training (Do you need to go potty? No. Ok. Are you sure? Yes. Well, it looks like your pee just came out on the floor...so), daily individual notes to help include parents in the Toddler Room experience while they are away at work or school, working in collaboration with other teachers as a team, working in collaboration with parents as a team, conferences, emails....the list goes on.

At times, defeat and doubt of my abilities to teach win out over truth that I am doing my best. This is where the bad attitude monster can creep in and steal the joy. I am committing myself to choose truth in my training, experience and abilities to shine brighter than my doubts. That I will choose to breathe and keep calm thru a challenging behavior with a child because I know they aren't doing it to make me mad (at least I'm pretty sure this is the case...Haha). That I will wake up each morning prepared for all that the day brings, good and bad...and that I will do it with a smile. Because I am choosing joy. 

2. I want to learn how to enjoy the outdoors a little more. Nature and I have never really bonded in a meaningful way so I want to practice experiencing it more....in small doses of course. One way I plan to accomplish this is to tend to my new backyard garden (see the past few weeks of blog posts for the amazing transformation). As I water plants and pull weeds, I hope to grow an appreciation for the world that the Lord has created and see the beauty in dirt, bugs and green leafy things.

3. I will continue to love my kitty and not feel bad if I post one too many Instagram photos in a day or choose to stay home on a Friday night (after a long work week) just because I missed him. I don't think, necessarily, that the world is actively judging me in this matter. But sometimes I have feelings of 'people are probably sick of seeing my Mosie Boo on the internets' or 'maybe I shouldn't love him so much' cause I'm a single lady who is growing older and....you know what that could turn into. No matter, I choose to enjoy him and care for him as he needs (because he is just SO CUTE...for real. CUTE.)

Additionally, I will continue to delight in and buy cat themed items for myself:

4. I hope to get back into more creative projects with my sewing machine and other craft type media....it's been awhile since I have had the energy, time and passion to make stuff. But I am feeling ready to get those creative juices flowing once again. It seemed fitting to add this to a list of life goals as long as I'm making a list.

5. I commit to fighting hard for my relationship with the Lord. I have had many internal struggles on my spiritual life journey thus far. You could also read this as sneaky Satan attacks...he is a tricksy little bugger and knows just how to poke at my weaknesses.  Struggles that have caused me to wonder if I am good enough to be called His child, or if he even cares at all about the things that I am battling with, or that he truly WANTS my best and is actively working to give me just what I need- when I need it. So, I am choosing to fight back. I am setting aside 30 minutes each day to read scripture, to meditate on what I have learned and to pray- pray for those I love, my community, my kiddos and for myself. It may not seem like much...30 minutes. But I am very good at wasting the hours of the day away with silly things and want to be more intentional and focused this next year with my free time...learning again how to study the Word and for truth to be spoken into my heart. To trust Him with my life. And to fight!

6. I wanna go somewhere I have never been....like, on an airplane. Maybe not this year- but someday. I actually am not a huge fan of travel whether it be for fun or otherwise. I am happiest when I am close to home. But I want to stretch my introverted self to take chances by thinking that I am capable of seeing the world. Today, I took great strides in moving forward in this goal...I applied for my very first passport! Something I have been telling myself to do for the past 3 years. It was kind of exciting when I had to write/sign/date a little statement as to why I didn't have a middle name on my Birth Certicficate but did on my Driver's License (long story short...I picked it in 1st grade to match my Nana Jane with whom I shared a birthday and loved very much) and then raised my hand to take an oath to verify the accurateness of my application. Check it off the list of life to-do's. And my passport pic was not too shabby if I do say so myself: 

7. I want to daily take note of the blessings I have been given and to be actively thankful in word and deed. And content with where I am in my life right now. Because it is pretty much wonderful when I really stop and think. I have been given much more than I need or even deserve in this life already. To not dwell on thoughts of 'If I just had _________, life would be perfection.' To live today for today and not be anxious about tomorrow.

So there it is. 7 things on this 7th day of June that I will be working on in my 38th year.